SETI

At Ohio State University, nothing detected by the Big Ear had equaled 6EQUJ5. That signal had been strong, lasting 72 seconds in the range of 1420 megahertz, naturally emitted by hydrogen, the most common element. The range likely to carry messages from an advanced civilization.

Imagine what Terry R. Ehman, discoverer of the “Wow!” signal, might say about “To the moon, Alice!” which was completely out of the range of any ordinary messages expected. And no interfering earth stations broadcasting on 1420 megahertz at the time. A message from the Jackie Gleason show? It was mysterious, seeming to return from a TV show broadcast years ago – simply unfathomable. And with no appended explanation from the Intergalactic Mailer Daemon.

Somehow it had been intercepted, the SETI group decided, setting off a flurry of consultations.

“No one's going to believe this.”

“If we report it and people do, this could get even worse.”

“In any case, it shows how far off we've been.”

“Let's classify it. In the name of national security, of course.”

Outside the Search for Extraterrestrial Intelligence camp, not a peep was heard. Inside was a pressure cooker. Which soon gave way in a Wikileak, and the news splattered everywhere.

A sage comment from the New York Times: This unusual signal was an alien raspberry. Reflexively, the Atlantic countered: No! Returning a message the originator will recognize is brilliant. It's here we both are!

The most viral message possible spread so fast that even advertisers failed to piggyback. A couple of Senators from Ohio did try to take credit. And there was a brief scuffle on the Senate floor, with a colleague from Alabama. Also a couple of suicide bombers, without orders or infidel targets, who terminated personal tribulations.

At Big Ear Ohio, meanwhile, the SETI people brainstormed. Sagittarius in the Wow direction is 10,000 light years away. Replies to a message sent there aren't due anytime soon. What a great opportunity for group-think outside the solar system.

Two can play this game, yes? A reply was agreed.

“Gotcha. To the moon, Alice. Let's talk!”

So foreign policy on a grand scale. Earth people can think something is in the works, some solution arriving in spite of best efforts, allowing all parties to claim diplomatic wins. Embarrassing problems of time and distance will fade in the wake of immediate concerns such as control of the Arctic Circle.

Things simmered down at SETI. Just the ordinary readouts, nothing much. More or less for 4 years, 146 days, and then . . .

“Nah. Just kidding!”